"Next time your girl friend visits you tell her not to leave her pipe behind!"

"Er, yes that is a rather unusual wallpaper design isn't it?"

"Now let's see how funny you think *this* is!" This piece appears on page 153 of Eric Kroll's "The Wonderful World of Bill Ward" (Taschen, 2006).

"You're showing a vast improvement Miss Paterson--last week you forgot to take both shoes!"